Dear mass shooters of the USA

I have an idea for you to consider

When you plan your demise — because I don’t think any of you think you will be getting out alive — consider this:

Rather than target a school go to an NRA convention*. School shootings are old hat, there have been so many of them.

Do something original for a change.

When you arrive armed to the teeth, presumably nobody will complain.

I’ve never been to one of those, but you might even be able to buy some extra weapons when you get there.

You may have to be fast to get record-breaking figures, but there’s a good chance that the crossfire will add to your score.

I know you’re not doing this to be considerate, but presumably, the NRA at least will appreciate my suggestion. They are apparently very keen to show what ‘good guys with guns’ can do.

If you are not a mass shooter, pass on the message.

* Alternatively, have you ever thought about gardening? Honestly, I’d rather you show your mettle by coaxing food, beauty and fertility from a little patch of land.